Friday, October 5, 2012

Conversations in my head- I'm fat

Aloha!!  And yes it took something to post this photo- who wants a photo of themselves 'plastered all over the internet' in a bathing suit?  Arrived here 1.5 days ago and we have the most awesomest condo overlooking the ocean.  We are here for Ironman World Championships- fiance is competing for the 3rd time and against top notch athletes from all around the world.  These are athletes who are absolutely the top of their games and they look unbelievable.. like 5% bodyfat and completely ripped.  Of course, even though I am proud of my athletic abilities being here is certainly humbling and also brings up a body issue from the past-- like the voice in my head that pops up and says  " I'm fat".

Now, don't get me wrong- I love my body and how I have transformed it over the years of being involved in competitive sports and extremely health eating.  That said, it has taken something to get to this place.  I am almost 6 feet tall. All my teen years I was told " You're so big", You're big boned",  "You're a big girl, etc.  And of course, this gives one a complex- especially when all through highschool your friends are petite little blondes:) I really appreciated reading Shybikers post The Gracey Show for this reason.

Fast forward to present day and even after being in the top shape of my triathlon season, having placed in the top 3 in several races this year and doing marathons and my 4th Ironman, I got this this creeping conversation in my head yesterday when I stripped down to the bikini to jump in the pool.  The conversation that says" I'm FAT".   The nice thing about this for me where I am in my life now is that I can have that come up as a thought but I don't have to listen to it-  I don't have to empower it. I am longer GRIPPED by it. I can just acknowledge that I had that thought and then quickly replace it with a more empowering one.  It no longer has the kind of grip it had on me when I was younger. And I no longer have to believe it like ITS THE TRUTH.

So right after I stripped down and had the thought I'm fat,  I then proceeded to do a running jump and cannonball into the pool. And it was awesome!! (don't worry, we were the only 2 at the pool :).  Can't wait to pull out the black bikini for today!!

What body issues have you overcome in your life? And how did you do it?

xox J


  1. GOOD FOR YOU! We can't prevent bad thoughts from entering our minds but we can dismiss them. I applaud your maturity in learning how to deal with this insecurity. You've developed psychologically as well as physically.

    I've always admired you, Jodi, and now you give me even more reason to do so.

  2. This is so weird to me because I so wish I had your body - or even the determination you use in order to create your body! But we're all human and all insecure at times.

    Everyone in my family is obese - I'm merely overweight. Then I have people around me telling me I look great because I dress around my issues, and marveling that I would be unhappy and want to lose weight/get fit. But I am (clinically speaking) 25lbs overweight and terribly unfit. There's so much pressure to accept yourself whatever your size, because that's PC, that it's almost like people are discouraging you from making active changes.

    You inspire me, though. Don't let it get to you, babe!

  3. I read this post at the right time. I too have been having fat battles with my brain lately. It is inspiring to read that even people who are fit and have awesome physiques can get down. You look amazing!! Tell that voice in the head that Lori said shut up :) Have a great time in Hawaii!!!

    No More Sweatpants